do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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