i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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