wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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