Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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