he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
