I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
