i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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