don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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