On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
