atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
