they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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