Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
