The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
