Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize