Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
