Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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