put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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