That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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