final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
