I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
