More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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