Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
His nipple licking is glorious
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