You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
