Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
