Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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