Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
