guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
