Its about making memories worth repressing
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
