someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
