I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
