either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
