I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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