We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
