I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
