My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Damn victory sex feels great
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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