Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
