Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
