Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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