Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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