We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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