You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
