Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
