Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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