you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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