Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
