bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She's the barista slut.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
