I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
