If that was your dad, he is hot
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
