so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
