My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
