Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
