Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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