So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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