I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
