I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
