Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
