I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
