You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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