Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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