can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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