whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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