Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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