Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
