the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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