I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
