Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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